A1 & A2: Appreciation & Affection
Appreciation and Affection are about…
CONTENTS ON THIS PAGE:
Story: Hugs and Praise Raise Good Kids
Story: Noticing Invisible Work
Story: Youth Need Appreciation, too
Vid: Making memories and remembering them: “But Not Forgotten”
Vid: Treating each other special: “The Parking Spot”
Vid: Being grateful for each other’s talents: “Little Mr. Microchip”
Vid: An Experiment in Gratitude: The Science of Happiness
Activity: Pass-Around Appreciation Notes
Story: Appreciation Takes Just a Minute
Story: The Power of Appreciation: All It Takes Is One Small Note
Activity: Quick Bonding Activity: "All About..."
Articles: Four Appreciation-related Blog Posts
Appreciation Example: The 52 Love Songs Project (20 so far and counting…)
Appreciation Example: The 365 Love Quotes Project (37 so far and counting…)
…emphasizing what is right.
Hugs and Praise Raise Good Kids
Ann Landers newspaper column
Source: Chicago Tribune, May 8, 1996.
This is what inspired The 30-Day Experiment that I mention in the Building Strong Families book.
… noticing “invisible work.”
This husband and father shared:
… expressing it! The youth feel it and notice.
An invaluable perspective from our youth:
A former college dormmate, who now is an actual rocket scientist (an aerospace engineer who works for NASA!), shared this powerful post about the power of appreciation (both the presence and lack of it) from a group conversation thread from today’s youth:
… Making memories and remembering them.
… Treating each other special.
… Being grateful for each other’s talents.
… Expressing gratitude as a method of creating happiness.
Activity: Pass-Around Appreciation Notes:
I posted this several years ago:
A simple way of expressing love, appreciation, recognition, and praise. Simply start a sheet with "Name is..." and pass it around. We did these in church today. Teens love (and need) it just as much as the little kids do. In 17 years of counseling, never once has someone said, "Our problem is my family appreciates me too much! I'm so sick and tired of all the sincere recognition, praise, and expressions of affection. I'm outta here!" Nope, not once. But have I heard the exact opposite? Yep, sadly, each and every day. People are appreciation starved. Flood the ones you love with appreciation. Don't make them beg for crumbs. Let them feast!
Source: https://www.facebook.com/photo?fbid=214711685227680&set=a.149709481727901
Appreciation Takes Just a Minute
I took as many opportunities to not only express appreciation to my children, but to facilitate my children expressing apprecation to one another. I found this brief text interchange I saved (from 5-21-11) between my then 17-year-old son, Adam, and me. It’s now 2021. It only took a short minute to communicate such long-lasting memory.
Me: Matthew [his younger brother] told me he got a fortune cookie this week that said, "The current year will bring you much happiness." He then said, "I'm pretty happy about the Assassin's Creed hidden blade Adam made me." :-) How's that make you feel, Big Bro?
Adam: Makes me feel good. Tell him that made me smile and thanks :)
Me: :-). I told him. He smiled his sweet smile and laughed. I've always been proud of the kind of brother you've always been, Adam.
Adam: Thanks dad. I learn from the best (you) :)
Me: :-).Thx pal!
Adam: You’re welcome.
The Power of Appreciation: All It Takes Is One Small Note
As I was cleaning out my file cabinets just now, I came across this encouraging little note from one of my parenting mentors, Julie Blanton. Julie was a Prevention Specialist at the community mental health center I worked at for many years, where she taught parenting classes for our clients and in the community. She let me shadow her class so I could learn all the parenting goodies for both my clients as well as for Kara’s and my young family. Julie herself had teens at the time, and we had little kids. She was a light of hope and encouragement that we were doing fine in the chaos and angst of parenting. She gave us hope for the looming teen years. She was real and down-to-earth. She was funny, kind, and wise. She was an encourager, lifter, and believer in people.
As she put this parenting folder together for her class, she took a few extra moments to add this little label inside mine. While discarding the rest of the contents, I’ll keep this precious little gem in my Feel Good File forever.
All these years later, you are still encouraging and lifting me, my friend.
I encourage us all to take a page out of Julie’s book and take a moment to write someone a little note of appreciation. It takes so little time. You never know… it might make much more than just their day today; they may hang on to that little treasure and find it again two whole decades from now, and it will again make their day 🙂
Julie has no idea I just found this and that I’m taking a mom to write this post to praise and thank her. But she will. I’m sending this to make HER day right now…
Quick Bonding Activity: "All About..."
Occasionally, in church, I like to pass around to each family member a piece of paper titled, "All About (Name): (Name) Is..."
And then let each family member add whatever kind observation about that person.
The benefits are simple and important: The writer is able to reflect on the good qualities of that person and the recipient gets to feel great and appreciated. It's a quick, simple, yet meaningful, way to feel connected and to further solidify the family bond and loyalty to one another. It's also interesting and fun to find out what each other notices about each other.
So today, I did one on myself as dad and one for the kids mom. Here's what we learned about each other from our kids.
"Hey Kids: Your Dad Is..."
From my son (16): "interesting, a good drawer, cool, a good sword fighter, good at helping with problems."
From my daughter (14): "something, funny, goofy, dorky, 'smrat', Jona-thin/Jona-fat, creative."
From my daughter (11): "strange, funny, smart, creative, and helpful."
From myson(9): "smart, funny, weird, awesome."
"All About Mom: Mom Is..."
16: "good food and laundry--heh heh--just kidding but really too, loving, caring, funny, a good dancer, can make my friends laugh."
14: "she's prettyyyyyy :), silly , a good cook, good at shopping, distracted a lot, goofy, loving"
11: "funny, nice, pretty, loving, dog loving, sweet, good cook."
9: "she calls dad 'Pootie', she's pretty, funny, likes 'bunnies', best food ever!"
I don't know anyone who tires of hearing nice things said about them. You just can't over-appreciate someone, folks.
Give it a try and share how it goes for ya.
