Real people ask me real questions all the time. Here are a few of them.
Q&A: The "AAA" of Affair Recovery
Q: "I had an affair that was emotional and involved kissing. We didn't have sex. My wife found out and has been very upset. I have ended it. My wife just sent me a text saying she ran into my ex-girlfriend. What should I do?"
A: This question was sent to me from a former client. I replied as follows: Prepare yourself to engage well and actively listen to whatever she has to say. I would suggest responding in the spirit of what we've discussed in the past: AAA: Accept, Attend, Apologize.
A: Prepare yourself to engage well and actively listen to whatever she has to say. I would suggest responding in the spirit of what we've discussed in the past: AAA: Accept, Attend, Apologize.
Q&A: Responding to a Teenage Girl Who's Self-harming
I received the following urgent text from a teenage female client, who at one point HATED coming to counseling and now, I'm grateful, trusts me and reaches out when she needs help. This is our text exchange (any identifying information or names have been changed or omitted to protect confidentiality). Bear in mind, as a text transcript, some of the conversation may seem disjointed, but I'm sure you'll follow along just fine.
HER: "Hey, it's me. I need help. I really need advice."
Q&A: Partnering with an ADHD Partner
Q: I am dating a man with ADHD. Things are going well, but after having been through a bad marriage with a husband who had serious unresolved problems I'm leery of entering another marriage with someone with a disorder. Do you know where I can find some information on understanding and living with ADD/ADHD? I think knowledge will help resolve my fears and concerns. Thanks Jonathan, for all of your help—it is such a blessing to me!
Q&A: What do you think about dating a man that is not yet divorced?
Q: I was wondering if you have any information or input on dating a man that is not yet divorced. I have been talking to an old friend that reached out to me. His divorce will be finalized very soon. After a week or so of communicating I respectfully told him that I feel that right now is not the right time for us to be talking and that once his divorce is finalized, and some time has passed, if he wants to still contact me, I will be there. He understood and thanked me for my honesty. I honestly feel pretty bad about it though. I think what I would like is validation that what I did was right.
Q&A: Relationship Fact or Fiction?
Q: A Facebook friend asked me: "I have been struggling with a relationship lately and came across the following list of relationship advice in an email and I love it so thought I would pass it along to you. I also would like to know from your professional experience which ones you agree with and ring true to you.
Q&A: "My husband forgets to wear his wedding ring and it hurts my feelings. What should I do?
Q: "My husband forgets to wear his wedding ring and it hurts my feelings. He says he just forgets and that it's not personal. Should I make a big deal out of it or let it go?"
Q&A: How do I stop my toddler from hitting?
Q: I have a quick question with probably no easy answer. Our son is three years old and he's exploded into a hellion almost overnight. Right now he is really having a problem with hitting. My first impulse, of course, being to reinforce the very behavior I don't want by slapping him back. Obviously, that won't help. Do you have any suggestions on what we can do to curb that? Or any websites that would offer some suggestions or resources? Thanks! —A Mom
Q&A: "Why would you talk about sex in your presentation?"
QUESTION: "Why would you talk about sex to a group of LDS singles?!"
This was a question on one of my evaluations from a recent workshop on "Speaking Manglish and Womanese: Bridging the Gender Gap". My thought in reply to that question was, "Why WOULDN'T I talk about sex to a group of middle-aged singles, many of which have been married before?" Many of these singles have had sex in the past and likely will again. Especially when sex and intimacy are one of the BIG conflict areas in many relationships, why wouldn't I discuss it candidly and respectfully in a way that can help many couples?
Two Teens Answer "What Are Healthy or Unhealthy Relationships?"
Today, I did a survey of local teen girls (at lunch today with my daughty and her bestie, both 15 years old—a super small survey!) asking them, "How do you know when a relationship is healthy or unhealthy?"
Q&A: What Do You Love Most About Your Marriage? Count the Ways
Q: How long have you been married and what do you love most about your marriage?
Q&A: Where Do You Draw the Musical Line with Your Kids?
Q: Recently, I received the following question in my email:
"Parenting question for you: How do you handle music with explicit lyrics of the swear word type? While I’m pretty much anti-censorship, parenting presents some exceptions to this thinking for me. For example, I really don’t want the kids listening to songs about abuse, rape, torture, other extreme violence, and probably some other stuff I’ve not yet heard but that is out there.