Spiritual Wellness is about…

CONTENTS ON THIS PAGE:

Story: Values Are Caught More Often Than They Are Taught
Vids: Honesty and Integrity (2)
Vids: Loving your children enough to ask the important questions (3)
Vid: Forgiveness
Vid: Compassion, generosity, and service
Podcast: When children leave your faith
Quotes: Wisdom on Families & Spiritual Wellness from Many Faiths
Pic: Servant Leader (Jesus washing Peter’s feet)

… Teaching your children values, most often by showing vs. talking.

As someone once said, "Values are caught more often than they are taught." Values such as honesty, kindness, service, patience, compassion.

Values Are Caught More Often Than They Are Taught

Charles Beckert tells this story:

When Johnny was six years old he was with his father and they were caught speeding. The father handed the police officer a five-dollar bill with his driver's license. "It's okay, son," the father said as they drove off, "everybody does it."

When he was eight he was permitted at a family council presided over by Uncle George on the surest means to shave points off the income tax return. "It's okay kid," the uncle said, "everybody does it."

When he was nine his mother took him to his first theater production. The box office man couldn't find any seats until his mother discovered an extra two dollars in her purse and bribed him. "It's okay son," she said, "everybody does it."

When he was 12 he broke his glasses on the way to school. His Aunt Francine convinced the insurance company they had been stolen and collected 27 dollars [it's an old story]. "It's okay, kid," she said, "everybody does it."

When he was 15 he was right guard on the high school football team. His coach showed him how to block and at the same time grab the opposing end so the officials couldn't see it. "It's okay kid," he said, "everybody does it."

When he was 16 he took his first summer job at the big market. His assignment: to put the overripe tomatoes in the bottom of the boxes, the good ones on top where they would show. "It's okay, kid," the manager said, "everybody does it."

When he was 18 Johnny and a neighbor applied for a college academic scholarship. Johnny was a marginal student. The neighbor was in the upper three percent of his class. The neighbor couldn't play right guard. Johnny got the assignment and the scholarship. "It's okay," the university told him.

When he was 19 he was approached by an upperclassman who offered the test answers for three dollars. "It's okay, kid, everbody here does it."

Johnny was caught, expelled, sent home in disgrace. "How could you do this to your mother and me?" his father asked. "You never learned anytyhing like that at home." His aunt and uncle were also shocked. "If there's one thing the adult world can't stand it's a kid who cheats."

Beckert continues [paraphrased]: "Now I say values are caught more often than taught. We must send direct signals of what we value. We can't hide behind the fact that I'm older and you're younger therefore I have a right to violate my values."

Source: Beckert, Charles (1988). Strategies for Successful Families. Audiotape recording. Covenant Recordings, Inc.

… Honesty and integrity.

Telling the truth can be hard.

… Loving your children enough to ask the important questions,

which are sometimes the hard questions.

… Forgiveness.

… Compassion, generosity, and service.

“So many young people are walking away from faith in recent years. We invited Jonathan and Kara Sherman to talk with us about how to handle it when a child goes through a faith transition and how to keep parent-child relationships strong despite differing points of view. Jonathan is a marriage and family therapist, and Kara has been a stay-at-home mom and a child advocate. They bring a wealth of personal and professional insight on this tender yet important topic.”
—Jen & Jess

… learning from other spiritual traditions.

Wisdom on Families & Spiritual Wellness from Many Faiths

Spirituality has always been a part of the human experience. We crave meaning in an uncertain world. That meaning helps us cope. And as social creatures, that meaning helps us connect. Around the world and throughout history, many spiritual traditions have arisen to help us humans do just that: cope and connect. Here are a few quotes

FAMILY HARMONY

“Supporting one’s father and mother, cherishing wife and children, and a peaceful occupation—this is the greatest blessing.“
—Buddhism. The Buddha, Sutta Nipata 262

“The greatest work that you or I will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes.“
—Christianity. Heber J. Grant, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

“May in this family, discipline overcome indiscipline, peace discord, charity miserliness, devotion arrogance, the truth-spoken word the false-spoken word which destroys the holy order.“
—Zoroastrianism. Avesta, Yasna 60.5

“Natural mildness should be there in the family. Observance of the vows leads to mildness…. Right belief should there be amongst family members. Crookedness and deception cause unhappiness in the family. Straightforwardness and honesty in one’s body, speech, and mental activities lead the family to an auspicious path. Purity, reverence, ceaseless pursuit of knowledge, charity, removal of obstacles that threaten equanimity, service to others —these make the family happy.“
—Jainism. Tattvarthasutra 6.18-24

“When wives and children and their sires are one,
’Tis like the harp and lute in unison.
When brothers live in concord and at peace
The strain of harmony shall never cease.
The lamp of happy union lights the home,
And bright days follow when the children come.“
—Confucianism. The Book of Songs

PARENTS AND CHILDREN

“Train up a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old, he will not depart from it.“
—Judaism and Christianity. Bible, Proverbs 22.6

In other words:

“You can only coil a fish when it is fresh.“
—African Traditional Religions. Nupe Proverb (Nigeria)

“As the child, according to its natural disposition, commits thousands of faults,
The father instructs and slights, but again hugs him to his bosom.“
—Sikhism. Adi Granth, Sorath, M.5

“Do not despise the breath of your fathers,
But draw it into your body.
That our roads may reach to where the life-giving road of our sun father comes out,
That, clasping one another tight,
Holding one another fast,
We may finish our roads together;
That this may be, I add to your breath now.
To this end:
May my father bless you with life;
May your road reach to Dawn Lake,
May your road be fulfilled.“
—Native American Religions. Zuni Prayer

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you.“
—Judaism and Christianity. Bible, Exodus 20.12

“If your parents take care of you up to the time you cut your teeth, you take care of them when they lose theirs.“
—African Traditional Religions. Akan Proverb (Ghana)

“There are three partners in man, God, father, and mother. When a man honors his father and mother, God says, ‘I regard it as though I had dwelt among them and they had honored me.’“
—Judaism. Talmud, Kiddushin 30b

“Do not neglect the [sacrificial] works due to the gods and the fathers! Let your mother be to you like unto a god! Let your father be to you like unto a god! Let your teacher be to you like unto a god!“
—Hinduism. Taittiriyaka Upanishad 1.11.2

“My father sent for me; I saw he was dying. I buried him in that beautiful valley of winding waters. I love that land more than all the rest of the world. A man who would not love his father’s grave is worse than a wild animal.“
—Native American Religions. Nez Perce Tradition

“Veneration of parents’ graves and the spirits of ancestors is an important expression of a son’s or daughter’s abiding love for their parents.“
—Native American. Nez Perce Tradition

SPOUSE/PARTNER

“Husbands love your wives even as Christ loved the Church and gave himself for it.“
—Christianity, Paul in Ephesians 5:25, New Testament

“Not those are true husband and wife that with each other [merely] consort: Truly wedded are those that in two frames, are as one light.
—Sikhism. Adi Granth, Var-Suhi-Ki, M.3, p. 788

“I am He, you are She;
I am Song, you are Verse,
I am Heaven, you are Earth.
We two shall here together dwell,
becoming parents of children.“
—Hinduism. Atharva Veda 14.2.71

“The moral man finds the moral law beginning in the relation between man and woman, but ending in the vast reaches of the universe.“
—Confucianism. Doctrine of the Mean 12

“Among His signs is that He created spouses for you among yourselves that you may console yourselves with them. He has planted affection and mercy between you.“
—Islam. The Prophet Muhammad, Qur’an 30.21

“He who loves his wife as himself; who honors her more than himself; who rears his children in the right path, and who marries them off at the proper time of their life, concerning him it is written: “And you will know that your home is at peace.“
—Judaism. Talmud, Yebamot 62

“Do not abuse your wife. Women are sacred. If you make your wife suffer, you will die in a short time. Our grandmother, Earth, is a woman, and in abusing your wife you are abusing her. By thus abusing our grandmother, who takes care of us, by your action you will be practically killing yourself.“
—Native American Religions. A Winnebago Father’s Precepts

“When women are honored, there the gods are pleased; but where they are not honored, no sacred rite yields rewards.“
—Hinduism. Laws of Manu 3.56

SPIRITUAL GROWTH

“Practicing step-by-step,
One gradually fulfills all Buddha teachings.
It is like first setting up a foundation
Then building the room:
Generosity and self-control, like this,
Are bases of enlightening beings’ practices.“
—Buddhism. Garland Sutra 10

“Through constant effort over many lifetimes, a person becomes purified of all selfish desires and attains the supreme goal of life.“
—Hinduism. Krishna, Bhagavad Gita 6.45

“By degrees, little by little, from time to time, a wise person should remove his own impurities as a smith removes the dross from silver.“
—Buddhism. Buddha, Dhammapada 239

“We glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
—Christianity. Paul, Romans 5:3-5

“Study of Torah leads to precision, precision to zeal, zeal to cleanliness, cleanliness to restraint, restraint to purity, purity to holiness, holiness to meekness, meekness to fear of sin, fear of sin to saintliness, saintliness to the holy spirit, and the holy spirit to life eternal.“
—Judaism. Talmud, Aboda Zara 20b