Have your holidays – and enjoy them, too.
/
CALEB WARNOCK - Daily Herald, Dec 1, 2006
What is it you most want to experience this holiday?
Intention is one of the most powerful ways to excise holiday stress, and now is the time to discuss holiday expectations with family members, said Jonathan Sherman, licensed massage and family therapist, during a free workshop "Holidays and Family Togetherness" held in Lehi on Friday.
"Setting intentions allows us to use one of the most powerful stress-busters, which is mindfulness," Sherman said. "Mindfulness is about staying in the moment and being fully present in the here and now.
"Let's say I want to experience gratitude this holiday. If I set that intention, then I begin to ask myself how I fill my mind with this today, not when things are over. When we say 'I'll be so glad when the holidays are over, I'm so stressed out right now,' then we've put our intention into the future and we miss our opportunity."
Sherman asked audience members to call out some of the things that were already stressing them out about the holidays. Responses included family commitments, the expectation of fulfilling family traditions, doing too much, bringing together members of divorced families, money, and women being overloaded by cooking and cleaning.
After listening to those responses, Sherman then told audience members about his own shopping trip to buy a gift for his wife.
"I was irritated and everyone was grumpy and frowny and I thought 'OK, we're celebrating the birth of the Savior,' " he said. "I'm not enjoying this. There is such an abundance of things for me to choose from and I'm running through the store with a mind full of ingratitude and lack of awareness."
One of the most effective ways to calm stress is to practice being grateful, he said.
"Especially when we are feeling stressful and are getting overwhelmed with the problems we face, we are starting to lose our mindfulness of our bounty, of the incredible blessings we have," he said.
Practicing mindfulness "allows us to relax in the midst of stress instead of waiting for stress to go away," he said. "Here is the truth. Stress never goes away until you are dead. If you are not experiencing stress, you are not alive."
Blended families with all their dynamics are now more common statistically than nuclear families in America, he said. Planning ways to include everyone and make them feel comfortable is important.
He challenged audience members to rethink notions of good or bad emotions, saying all emotions are sending a message. The three emotions that people most commonly consider to be bad -- depression, anxiety and anger -- are actually warning signs that our lives are becoming unbalanced, he said.
When those emotions appear, they should be acknowledged and solved rather than acted upon.
"Don't let them get too big," he said. "Pull back and learn to listen to what strong emotions are telling us."
In the end, simply remember why the holidays are celebrated, he said.
"With rampant commercialism, we are really forgetting the whole point of the really simple birth of the Savior," he said.
The next free family workshop, "What Do I Do When Marriage and Finances Are Upside Downfi" will be held at 7 p.m. on Jan. 5 at the Lehi Council Room in City Hall, 123 N. 100 East in Lehi.
Tips for de-stressing the holidays from Jonathan Sherman
Some family members may see family gatherings as an opportunity to bring up old family skeletons. It's not the right time.
Be mindful of how illness can heighten stress and emotion.
Forget trying to create a perfect holiday.
Focus on the fact that people are more important than presents.
When bad feelings arise, agree to disagree and set differences aside.
Clarify family rules and roles, and learn to say no.
Set limits, be patient and delegate work.
For families looking to emphasize spirituality over materialism, Sherman recommended the book "Hundred Dollar Holiday."
This story appeared in The Daily Herald on page A1.
