Please share this with someone you know who is contemplating marriage, engaged, or recently married. You may save them years of unnecessary frustration and sorrow!
Start your marriage right! "Happily Ever After" is a great place to start, but what about the 10-year follow-up study? How does “happily ever after” actually happen? How do we make a great thing last, especially in the face of such daunting divorce statistics? Learn effective ways of making the marriage you're going into the one you dream it will be.
Give the best gifts: the gifts of knowledge, commitment, appreciation, communication, and time together. This private course is designed for pre-marital and newly married couples (married less than two years). As a private course, with just the couple and Jonathan, the couple gets individualized attention and custom solutions to their unique relationship. We will assess their strengths and how to build on those, addressing possible difficult areas while they are small and manageable. They will learn how to build a great relationship as well as how to avoid countless future conflicts by learning from what both the “marriage masters” and the “marriage disasters” have done.
Marriage Prep is perfect for engaged and newlywed couples.
What is The “OUR WAY” Marriage Plan?
The “OUR WAY” Marriage Plan is comparable to a building’s blueprint, a football team’s playbook, a movie's script, and a business’ policy and procedure manual.
The “OUR WAY” Marriage Plan is comprised of the following 12 areas:
Purpose, Vision, & Mission
Rules & Roles
Communication, Conflict Resolution, & Safety
Love Languages & Operator’s Manuals
Time Together & Time Apart
Sex & Intimacy
Money & Finances
Parenting & Discipline
Extended Family & Friends
Religion & Spirituality
Maintenance, Enhancement, & Romance
Mentoring & Mastery
The “OUR WAY” Marriage Plan is both:
An all-encompassing view/mindset = "The WHY.”
As well as a specific conflict resolution strategy with specific strategies for each area = "The WHAT.”
The "OUR WAY" Marriage Plan coaching package is a private training between the couple and myself. In this setting, we not only cover the educational aspects outlined above but also customize the information to the couple's individual strengths, concerns, and goals. In this format, we can discuss anything they want confidentially and in-depth, which obviously cannot be done in a traditional classroom or workshop setting. Also, we don't waste time covering general information that is not relevant to the specific couple. This allows the time we do spend to be laser-focused and relevant to the couple’s specific needs.
Length: The couple can do more sessions if they like or need to, but six sessions are the minimum. Scheduling is very flexible and can be done locally or anywhere worldwide via phone or video.
Cost & Session Structure: Pre-marital counseling is $1,150 for six sessions (6.5 hours), which includes:
One 90-minute assessment session and five 60-minute sessions. As a session package, this fee saves $150 off the price of the same sessions purchased separately (normally priced at $200/hr x 6.5 hours = $1,300).
You will leave with a clearly defined and customized "OUR WAY" Plan covering the 12 key relationship areas outlined above.
Payment Options:
Many parents and grandparents have purchased The Marriage Prep Package for their children and grandchildren as a wedding gift that keeps giving throughout their entire marriage.
I do accept payments over time.
Scheduling: You can set up pre-marital counseling as you would schedule a regular appointment by clicking here.
Return on Investment
A community-based or church-based marriage prep class is excellent general knowledge. However, The "OUR WAY" Marriage Plan Package is where the investment pays off year after year as the young couple leaves with a truly customized, specific plan focused only on making sure that the love they have now will truly last the way they want it. It's like buying marriage insurance. The life-long ROI value gained from it makes the one-time fee look small in comparison.
What is The "OUR WAY" Marriage Plan based on?
30 years of experience as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), author, and speaker.
The evidence-based research of John M. Gottman, Ph.D.
The PREPARE/ENRICH Pre-Marital & Marriage Enhancement Approach
The larger body of research in marriage and family studies.
See A Research Summary of the Findings of the Impact of Premarital Counseling to the right:
Article: Prepare for Your Marriage, Not Just Your Wedding
Most people get married to stay married, right? However, with 40% of first marriages, 60% of second marriages, and 75% of third marriages ending in divorce, it seems like a dicey proposition at best. The good news is that approximately two-thirds of divorces could be prevented with two things: 1. Education, and 2. Intervention. One of the absolute best ways to prevent divorce is to get that education and intervention as soon as possible—even before the problems arise.
The main problem most divorced couples reported was their inability to manage and resolve conflict around various issues (most commonly: finances, parenting, in-laws, and sex). The issues themselves, however, are less important than the impact of the conflict on both adults and children. For example, some of the deleterious effects of marital conflict are:
Destructive parental conflict is a key risk factor for both children and adults developing physical and emotional problems. Stress and conflict have major impacts on our physiological and emotional systems.
Poorly managed conflict is a predictor of marital distress, divorce, and children’s acting out behaviors (such as aggressiveness, depression, and anxiety).
Marital conflict can impact work productivity, increase stress and decrease life satisfaction.
Conversely, marriage researchers and therapists Jerry M. Lewis, M.D. and John T. Gossett, Ph.D. (Disarming the Past, 1999) define eight characteristics of a healthy marriage:
Both partners work together to define the relationship
The marital bond balances both closeness and time apart
Both are interested in the other’s thoughts and feelings.
Expressing feelings is encouraged.
Managing conflicts, so they do not escalate out of control or become overly discouraging.
Well-developed problem-solving skills.
Sharing common values.
Well-developed ability to manage stress
Marriage education (either through counseling or workshops) works to help couples both prevent unnecessary conflict and manage necessary conflict more effectively so they can put their time and energy into the reason they got married in the first place: to enjoy one another’s company throughout their lives together.
So what is learned in premarital education? Couples learn the guiding principles (knowledge) and practical techniques (skills) to create, maintain and enhance a great marriage, such as:
How to improve communication and understanding skills
How to improve conflict management and problem-solving skills by learning how to “fight fair.”
How to balance love as a feeling with love as a behavior.
How to develop couple stress management strategies.
Learning to work together as a team.
Learning how to harness the power of acceptance and forgiveness.
Learning relationship enhancement skills such as appreciation, sacrifice, deep listening, friendship building
Learning the benefits of a healthy marriage and the impact on children. (such as happily married couples: live on average seven years longer; earn and save more money; tend to be more independent and less reliant on government services; have greater sexual satisfaction than unmarried people (really!); are safer as they experience less violence in the home. Children in happily married homes: tend to do better academically; are more likely to develop long-lasting marriages themselves; experience less violence and neglect; fare better emotionally and physically, and engage in fewer risky behaviors (i.e., sex, substance abuse, delinquency, and suicide).
Learning what to expect in the course of your marriage. Removing blind spots and having realistic expectations can prevent a lot of headaches. Such as: dealing with the in-laws (yes, you are marrying his/her family); negotiating and balancing work and family needs; understanding and responding to sexual differences; adjusting to becoming parents, and figuring out how to develop “our” parenting style.
How to control finances so finances don’t control your marriage.
How to put each other first in all things.
Just as buying a car and then never maintaining it isn’t enough to keep it running, falling in love and living “happily ever after” isn’t enough to maintain a marriage. No marriage is guaranteed, and marriage in and of itself is not the answer. How we relate to each other and treat our marriage is the answer. We must then do everything we can to make our marriages as strong as they can possibly be. I realize that not all marriages can and should be saved. However, many can be saved, and since you got married to stay married, why not learn all you can to actually make that happen?
My encouragement to you is to look before you leap. Marriage education gives people a chance to take a good hard look at their relationship to see if marriage at this time with this person is really a good idea or not. And if you have already leaped, learn all you can to make it rock solid and absolutely great.
Related Articles
Read the following articles to get a feel for some of the content we'll be discussing:
Changed Lives! Clergy & Participant Testimonials
"One of the greatest relational tasks on life’s journey is building a strong family. We are committed to helping you keep those most sacred ties healthy and growing. Learning Jonathan Sherman’s key to relational wholeness will give you the tools to be the best partner, parent, or grandparent you can be, whether you are single or married, with or without children! These foundational skills apply to all core relationships!"
–Rev. Janet Forbes, St. Luke's Methodist Church, in regards to Jonathan Sherman's "Building Strong Marriages & Families with ACCCTS"
"We took your six-hour workshop six years ago when we were first married. Six years later, we still use what we learned. It's saved our marital butt many times and has allowed the love we started with to grow stronger and stronger each year."
—Young married couple, first marriage.
"Now I can see how this can really work. Before, with other counseling, it seemed like it was just talking. I love that there's a clear, logical plan that makes sense. I'm game. Let's do this."
—Husband and father who was very reluctant and at first thought counseling was stupid and pointless. He left fully committed to engage in the 12-session "Our Way Plan" marriage prep/blended family work.
Audio Testimonials:
(1:34min) from Rev. Janet Forbes’ sermon “Relationship: The Heart of Ministry,” St. Luke's United Methodist Church, Highlands Ranch, CO.
(2:03min) from Rev. Janet Forbes’ sermon “Celebrating Hearts for Ministry,” describing right relationship, trim tab, and Jonathan Sherman, St. Luke's United Methodist Church, Highlands Ranch, CO.
